November 23rd, 2006

Shaken and stirred

...and absolutely flabbergasted at Entertainment Weekly's ranking of the James Bond movies, which I read in line during my fifth trip to the grocery store yesterday. They are WRONG. Here's my ranking:

1. Tomorrow Never Dies. Michelle Yeoh kicks ass, literally.

2. The Spy Who Loved Me. Spy vs. spy. Love it!

3. Diamonds Are Forever. This is a crazy movie set in Vegas. Not even Bond calling the heroine "you stupid twit" when she tries to save his ass can make me unlove this movie. Right after the credits rolled, she probably stole his wallet and skipped town.

4. Live and Let Die. Almost as crazy.

5. For Your Eyes Only. Another strong heroine...perhaps because she is a man, baby! Really.

6. License to Kill. EW ranks it very low. It's a great movie! Wonderful heroine, though the actress doesn't do a great job. Wayne Newton saying, "Bless your heart," repeatedly. What's not to love?

7. Dr. No. Very atmospheric.

8. Thunderball. I've never quite gotten over the title.

9. The Man With the Golden Gun. Two words: three nipples.

10. From Russia With Love. Count the minutes the heroine just sits there while the evil spy is kicking Bond's ass.

11. Octopussy. EW ranks this one very low. It's probably bad, but I kind of like it. It came out when I was 12, which will cloud your judgment.

12. A View to a Kill. Grace Jones baby!

13. Goldfinger. EW ranks this #1. Why??? Dead naked chick covered in gold paint? Bond nearly getting his cajones burned off with a laser? Heroine named Pussy Galore?

14. Die Another Day. Or this one. Please.

15. You Only Live Twice. EW ranks this #2!!! Bond is disguised as a Japanese person and no one is the wiser. *eye roll*

16. The World Is Not Enough. Funny, EW and I generally agree on this one. In fact, in THE BOYS NEXT DOOR, I mentioned the bizarre casting of Denise Richards as a nuclear physicist.

17. The Living Daylights. Doormat heroine. Snowsledding on a cello. Sigh.

18. GoldenEye. I remember that when the credits rolled, I stood up and said, "Thank God!"

19. Moonraker. Jesus.

20. On Her Majesty's Secret Service. His wife dies. Nothing else matters.

Can't wait to see the new one!!!
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