*glancing at watch*
Trouble is, you’re not your agent’s only client. And her job involves a lot more than reading her clients’ manuscripts. You have to wait a little longer to use your seven-figure advance to hire a personal chef. It’s fish sticks again tonight, folks.
Conventional wisdom says that the best thing for you to do while waiting for a response on a novel is to write another novel. But who could write at a time like this? You are worried and keyed up and holding your breath! You can hardly stand it!
Well, WORRY NO MORE. Here at Jennifer Echols LLC, we understand what it’s like to wait for a response on a novel. As a service to the writing community, and for an extremely large fee, we will send you our exclusive WAITING NOVELIST’S SURVIVAL KIT.
The kit includes the following:
1. The books you meant to read last year.
2. Supplies to help you get started on the household chores you’ve been putting off since last August.
BUT WAIT--THERE’S MORE!
3. A membership to your local health club, to help you work off some of that nervous energy.
Act now and you will also receive ABSOLUTELY FREE
4. A cute husband† to stand in the doorway of your office and ask you why you are “so freaked out.”
(Just pay shipping and handling.)
WAITING NOVELIST’S SURVIVAL KIT II for novelists who do not have a literary agent, and whose full manuscript has been requested by an agent. Includes the above contents, plus all three volumes of Shelby Foote’s History of the Civil War.
WAITING NOVELIST’S SURVIVAL KIT III for novelists who do not have a literary agent, and whose full manuscript has been requested by a publisher. Includes the above contents, all three volumes of Shelby Foote’s History of the Civil War, the complete works of Charles Dickens, the complete works of James Michener, the complete works of Anthony Trollope, the complete works of Evelyn Waugh,‡ and a voucher for a year of therapy.
ORDER YOURS TODAY!§
†Husband for display purposes only. Actual husband may vary.
‡Special offer: Full refund if you make it through the Sword of Honour trilogy. You deserve it.
§Offer valid until...nah, the offer isn’t valid anymore. I need to stop screwing around online and write another novel.