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jenniferechols

ATTENTION NOVELISTS!

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Feb. 8th, 2010 | 08:41 am
mood: anxiousanxious

So you’ve finished your 111,000-word masterpiece, and you’ve sent it off to your literary agent. She will love it and submit it to publishers right away. You know she will. And then your life on the literary A-list will begin.

*glancing at watch*

Trouble is, you’re not your agent’s only client. And her job involves a lot more than reading her clients’ manuscripts. You have to wait a little longer to use your seven-figure advance to hire a personal chef. It’s fish sticks again tonight, folks.

Conventional wisdom says that the best thing for you to do while waiting for a response on a novel is to write another novel. But who could write at a time like this? You are worried and keyed up and holding your breath! You can hardly stand it!

Well, WORRY NO MORE. Here at Jennifer Echols LLC, we understand what it’s like to wait for a response on a novel. As a service to the writing community, and for an extremely large fee, we will send you our exclusive WAITING NOVELIST’S SURVIVAL KIT.

The kit includes the following:

1. The books you meant to read last year.



2. Supplies to help you get started on the household chores you’ve been putting off since last August.



BUT WAIT--THERE’S MORE!

3. A membership to your local health club, to help you work off some of that nervous energy.



Act now and you will also receive ABSOLUTELY FREE

4. A cute husband to stand in the doorway of your office and ask you why you are “so freaked out.”



(Just pay shipping and handling.)

Also available:

WAITING NOVELIST’S SURVIVAL KIT II for novelists who do not have a literary agent, and whose full manuscript has been requested by an agent. Includes the above contents, plus all three volumes of Shelby Foote’s History of the Civil War.



WAITING NOVELIST’S SURVIVAL KIT III for novelists who do not have a literary agent, and whose full manuscript has been requested by a publisher. Includes the above contents, all three volumes of Shelby Foote’s History of the Civil War, the complete works of Charles Dickens, the complete works of James Michener, the complete works of Anthony Trollope, the complete works of Evelyn Waugh, and a voucher for a year of therapy.

ORDER YOURS TODAY!§

Husband for display purposes only. Actual husband may vary.

Special offer: Full refund if you make it through the Sword of Honour trilogy. You deserve it.

§Offer valid until...nah, the offer isn’t valid anymore. I need to stop screwing around online and write another novel.

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Comments {26}

boothyisawesome

(no subject)

from: boothyisawesome
date: Feb. 8th, 2010 04:39 pm (UTC)
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Haha, great post. And your husband is cute! Go you! :)

Have fun writing your new novel! lol

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jenniferechols

(no subject)

from: jenniferechols
date: Feb. 8th, 2010 04:49 pm (UTC)
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Thank you! Easier said than done, though. Getting started is the hardest part.

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Janus

(no subject)

from: janusfiles
date: Feb. 8th, 2010 09:06 pm (UTC)
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How about a boxer's punching bag, so that you can take out your frustrations without hurting yourself (too much)?

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jenniferechols

(no subject)

from: jenniferechols
date: Feb. 8th, 2010 10:23 pm (UTC)
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In all seriousness, I have done some of my best writing when I was very, very angry at the publishing industry. That "I'll show you" attitude can be your best friend.

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Jon Gibbs

(no subject)

from: jongibbs
date: Feb. 8th, 2010 09:48 pm (UTC)
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Hehehe, good one :)

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cleaning supplies

from: anonymous
date: Feb. 8th, 2010 11:48 pm (UTC)
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I don't understand that language.

Leigh Royals
http://leighroyals.com

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jenniferechols

Re: cleaning supplies

from: jenniferechols
date: Feb. 9th, 2010 12:03 am (UTC)
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But you do get the fire extinguisher, right?

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(no subject)

from: anonymous
date: Feb. 9th, 2010 02:11 am (UTC)
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Lol! You totally crack me up! And where is the pound of M & Ms to munch on before you are rushed by ambulance to the gym?

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jenniferechols

(no subject)

from: jenniferechols
date: Feb. 9th, 2010 02:17 am (UTC)
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Hidden behind the Drano.

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daniellejoseph

(no subject)

from: daniellejoseph
date: Feb. 9th, 2010 02:13 am (UTC)
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Whoops, anon was me!

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jenniferechols

(no subject)

from: jenniferechols
date: Feb. 9th, 2010 02:19 am (UTC)
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We knew it was you. ;)

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daniellejoseph

(no subject)

from: daniellejoseph
date: Feb. 9th, 2010 02:33 am (UTC)
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I wouldn't make a very good spy:)!

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jenniferechols

(no subject)

from: jenniferechols
date: Feb. 9th, 2010 02:39 am (UTC)
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Or you would make an EXCELLENT spy, because nobody would ever suspect you. I think I would make an EXCELLENT spy.

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daniellejoseph

(no subject)

from: daniellejoseph
date: Feb. 9th, 2010 02:53 am (UTC)
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Or perhaps, I am a spy...mwah......

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(no subject)

from: anonymous
date: Feb. 9th, 2010 03:36 am (UTC)
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I saw Perfect Chemistry and I just had to express my love for that book!

Also, I can't wait until Endless Summer is out.

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jenniferechols

(no subject)

from: jenniferechols
date: Feb. 9th, 2010 12:07 pm (UTC)
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Thank you! And I actually STARTED Perfect Chemistry and it's wonderful.

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Terri-Lynne DeFino

(no subject)

from: bogwitch64
date: Feb. 12th, 2010 02:13 pm (UTC)
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(here via jongibbs)

That was really funny. Thanks! I'm going to print this up and tack it to my corkboard for those times the waiting really fries my brain.

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jenniferechols

(no subject)

from: jenniferechols
date: Feb. 12th, 2010 06:24 pm (UTC)
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I'm glad I've done someone some good. ;) Me, I'm still waiting...

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out_totheblack

(no subject)

from: out_totheblack
date: Feb. 12th, 2010 04:26 pm (UTC)
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ROFLMAO!!!

That was too funny. Hi, I found you via Jon. What about a survival kit for Writers in Waiting (to finish their novel)?
I like the display husband.

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jenniferechols

(no subject)

from: jenniferechols
date: Feb. 12th, 2010 06:26 pm (UTC)
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Ah, good idea. Maybe the Research & Development Department can work something up for me.

I like the display husband too! :)

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karen_w_newton

(no subject)

from: karen_w_newton
date: Feb. 12th, 2010 07:29 pm (UTC)
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Hi. I came here via jongibbs. He is quite right; this is hilarious! I would like to say if anyone finishes their own home improvement projects and needs more to do, my house is available! -)

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jenniferechols

(no subject)

from: jenniferechols
date: Feb. 12th, 2010 07:48 pm (UTC)
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Karen, I will send neurotic novelists at a loose end in your direction.

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tracy_d74

(no subject)

from: tracy_d74
date: Feb. 13th, 2010 01:30 am (UTC)
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too funny! Jon picked well.

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jenniferechols

(no subject)

from: jenniferechols
date: Feb. 13th, 2010 04:11 am (UTC)
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:)

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(no subject)

from: daisywhitney
date: Feb. 15th, 2010 04:50 am (UTC)
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Jen, this is so hilarious and so spot on!

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jenniferechols

(no subject)

from: jenniferechols
date: Feb. 17th, 2010 12:05 pm (UTC)
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LOL! Glad you enjoyed it. I'm still waiting...

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